Advanced Apathy

By now, I am sure everyone is aware of the 2006 decision by the International Astronomical Union to denounce Pluto as a planet, and instead reclassify it as a dwarf planet.

Really? Are you serious?!

I find it hard to believe that an organization as big, and pompous as the IAU would waste time, and taxpayers money on going to the effort of stripping Pluto of its Planet title. It seems to me that if they have so much time, and money that they can do the research necessary to conclusively say that Pluto is not a planet, they need more work. The fact is I can find NO rationale behind taking something as well known as a PLANET and now calling it a “dwarf planet”.

And what about this new title, dwarf planet? Did you know that before they decided to bully Pluto around, the term “dwarf planet” didnt exist? That means that someone hated Pluto so much, that they created A NEW PLANET CLASSIFICATION just so they could say its not part of the “9 planets” (which are now 8). This may seem like a trivial issue, but what really gets me going about this subject is what the first conversation about this had to go:

“Hey Bert, you know Pluto right?”

“Yeah Bob, I’ve heard of it”

“Well, I was thinking, why should it be a planet?”

“What? Its fricken Pluto dude! How is it not a planet?”

“I dont know, but I dont like it. Lets call it something else”

“…”

“No, seriously! Lets call it something puny, like a midget planet.”

“Your high on crack arent you?”

“No wait! I got it, lets call it a DWARF PLANET!”

At least, this is how I imagine the conversation went. How the IAU was suckered into doing this, I will never know. But I firmly believe that Pluto still rightfully owns the title of Planet, no matter what some slack-jawed, Plutonian hater says.

-Trenton Stahl

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